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Wednesday, September 5, 2018

15 Tips for First Date- Coffee Date Conversations

Hello,

As people say, I lot happens over coffee. That first date gives gooseflesh, you want to look best, have a good time and make sure everything goes well! But the nervousness can totally kill it. Here are 15 tips for your first date. Theses Do's and Dont's for the first date will make sure you make the most of the first date without going overboard.

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1. Warm up-First impressions are important and set the stage for a good conversation. Give your date a warm smile, and ask them “warm-up” questions, e.g., “What other favourite coffee shops have you tried in this area?” and give them lots of encouragement, (e.g., nods, smiles) to make them feel as “warm” as possible!

2. Admit you’re nervous-Chances are your date is nervous too, so coming out and admitting it can be an excellent icebreaker. Being honest is important and letting your date know how you’re feeling may help take some of the pressure off. Just make sure the conversation is still about getting to know each other. If you don’t give the other person the chance to know more about you, they may not ask you out again.

3. Ask open-ended questions- Try to avoid questions that only require a “yes” or “no” response such as, “Do you think you would like to have kids one day?” Better to ask questions that lead to more conversation and insights about your date such as, “If you decided to have kids one day, what do you think would be the hardest part about being a parent?”

4. Ask good follow-up questions-Show your date that you are really listening to them by asking smart follow-up questions. Don’t hop and skip from one question to the next if their answers to your initial question deserve more exploration. Follow-up questions can start with “why”, “how”, “when” etc., or you can simply say, “I’d love to hear more about that.”

5. Don’t lie. Fudging the truth—even a little—on a first date means you’re starting the relationship with a lie. “When wanting to be like, we may embellish, hide relevant data, and say anything to make ourselves appear more authentic. However, if you continue to date, the truth will eventually come out

6. Don’t “one-up” them- Your date mentions taking their first trip overseas to London. Don’t follow up by bragging about how you’ve been to every European country and visit there three times a year. Nobody wants to feel like their experiences are insufficient. Instead, be more congratulatory and respectful. Everyone has different opportunities for different experiences.   

7. Respect boundaries- Genuine relationships develop over time, as trust grows. Asking too pointed or personal questions too early can “scare” good people away. The purpose of the first date is to assess whether there is enough mutual interest and attraction to arrange a second one. There will be lots of time to delve into a person’s past and their opinions about heavier topics later.

8. Talk about past relationships but avoid too much ex-talkUnless you’re specifically asked, avoid getting into relationships past. A recent survey by the dating site and app Zoosk on what’s okay to disclose and when, shows that nearly half of singles say past relationships, including recent breakups, shouldn’t be discussed until after a few weeks of dating. 

9. Don’t interrupt
It may seem supportive to finish your date’s sentences, as a way of demonstrating that you are engaged in the conversation but it can also be perceived as a “control” move, lack of respect, or impatience. Plus, you may be wrong about what your date wanted to say, and interrupt their flow of thought – not good for building rapport!

10. Don’t start asking about the next date too soon.You may be thinking about the next date, but you’re still on date number one, so be present. “If you worry about what comes after the first date, chances are you’ll be anxious, appear needy, and may try harder to impress the other person. Be on the date you’re on now,” says Dr. Bob.

11. Don’t talk negatively about yourself. Modesty is appealing; low self-esteem is not. There’s no need to announce all your flaws on the first date. Joking about how bad you are at dating is also a huge turn-off. It’s okay to admit you’re nervous but telling someone on a first date that you’re bad at dating is like a director coming out before the movie to announce that it stinks. It kills interest or motivation the other person might have had

12. Ask about their job, don’t ask about their salary. It’s fine to discuss work and jobs but how would you feel if someone asked you how much you make, if you own or rent, or what kind of car you drive? Those kinds of questions make it seem a little like all someone cares about is how much money you’ll be able to spend on them.

13. Say “thank you” Whether the “interview” goes well or not, always be gracious and thank the person for the meeting. And don’t hesitate to say, with extreme kindness, if you have no interest in a second date. It’s possible to “reject” someone while still making them feel great about themselves. It’s a small world, so who knows when your paths may cross again. You can’t afford to be less than gracious!

14. Avoid politics- They say there are two things you should never discuss at the dinner table—religion and politics. The same holds true for the first date. When you have strong beliefs or opinions, it’s easy to get overexcited and even judgmental. Of course, where your date stands on certain issues is important to a long and healthy relationship, but wait for a few dates before diving into the political discussions.

15.  Don’t start asking about the next date too soon. You may be thinking about the next date, but you’re still on date number one, so be present. “If you worry about what comes after the first date, chances are you’ll be anxious, appear needy, and may try harder to impress the other person. 

Now that you know what to talk about on your first date, go out and meet new people, grab that cup of coffee and let's see what future has in store for you!

If you have any fun coffee date experience or more tips to enjoy your first date, do leave them in the comment section!


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